I sat on my dirty kitchen floor and cried……

I sat on my dirty kitchen floor and cried…… more than once to be honest. But the distinct time that is burned in my brain was November 2, 2011.

The kids were 15, 12 and 9. I had been out to feed the cattle in my pajamas, a dirty Carhartt jacket and rubber boots, neither of which were mine. The jacket was too big and the boots too small, or the jacket was too small and boots too big.

I remember feeding the cows, weaned calves and then 6 calves that were the kids show calves. Those 6 calves were going to Hoosier Beef Congress in less than a month and not broke to lead yet. We were in the middle of harvest, the laundry was 3 foot deep and I’m not positive the measuring cup I was drinking out of was actually clean.

I slumped on the kitchen floor clutching a bag of Chips Ahoy Cookies drinking flat Diet Dr Pepper from a measuring cup. Yes, a measuring cup, it was all that was clean with tears uncontrollably streaming down my face.

While I don’t remember exactly what had set the tears rolling that caused me to be sitting there in a pitiful pile on my dirty sticky kitchen floor I remember what got me up. It was a simple newspaper clipping my Mom had mailed me. The article was titled “Never Forget All You Really Do For Everyone On A Farm” by Melissa Hart.

“Never forget how much you do”

These words are now etched in my brain, in my heart, they get me through. They also hang inside the cabinet door closet to wear I find myself when I most need that kitchen floor cry.

“Never forget how much you do”

…..is my mantra I say to myself when I think I can’t go on, when I’m tired, when I’m sitting on my dirty sticky kitchen floor crying because it still happens sometimes.

It doesn’t matter what you do, if you’re human life can get over-whelming. You earned the coveted title “Chaos Coordinator”, because even when it feels like the plates you have in the air are crashing around you it only feels like that to you.

Believe me when I tell you:

YOU COORDINATE THE HELL OUT OF ALL THE CHAOS AROUND YOU!

I sat on my kitchen floor and cried……

Cry on your kitchen floor when you need to, then pick yourself up and show that chaos who’s boss!

YOU TOTALLY GOT THIS!

Why do we give all our grace away?